What’s on paper
April 11, 2009, 5:17 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I have no excuses for my neglect, I’ll just start with that.  I lot has happened since my last post, over a month ago?  Well…now I am single, jobless, and with cat.  2009 has been an interesting year so far….I guess it is my time to knock everything down and build it back up again.  Thus, I am one big transition.  I am sitting in the present moment yet only to achieve the next.  I am wading in a wave pool.  I am floating on a lilly pad.  It’s okay though, I feel really quite fundamentally happy.  I’ve been stripped of things that I once used to describe myself and my identity, a job to associate with, and it feels good that all I have to identify with these days is, well myself.  and Philipe, my 9 month old cat.  He is napping on the couch right now.  So here I am, among millions of other unemployed Americans, and while I’m a number among all of them, I love having this personal journey, and figuring out what is next.  I’m excited by it.  There are inevitably good things to come, and I can’t wait to discover more about myself once they enter my life.  I truly believe that the times we struggle in life are the times we get to know ourselves best, and I have never felt so whole and secure in my pursuit of happiness and my current outlooks on life, although on paper it may not seem that way.  So yea, I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflecting, perhaps I should have been writing about it, but that would mean I would be vulnerable to whomever read’s this perception of me, which is a scary thing.  More has happened too, I went to Chicago, I have been eating matzah ball soup, and I am starting an improv class on Monday.  I’m happy, and I’m not just saying it to convince myself or anyone else, I am truly, identifiably, genuinely happy.  Stripped of things that had potential to make me unhappy.  And I can’t wait to see what else life brings me and challenges me with…bring it on.

Me and Philipe

Me and Philipe


the fly butterfly
March 6, 2009, 11:17 pm
Filed under: Art

I am in the midst of creating a painting of a butterfly.  Sweet, feminine, yet mysterious and soft.  Butterflies are one of those special things in life that always seem to lead up to a good day…a happy day.  a bright and sunny saturday.  I hope my rendition can perhaps take on a life of its own, a “blossoming” endeavor to say the least?

the tools used...

the tools used...

Just a quick visual of the products needed, it’s always important to appreciate where things come from.


I think I like it so far.  needs more time.

A valentine-osophy for two
February 18, 2009, 3:04 pm
Filed under: Love, Politics, travel | Tags: , , ,

No one would expect a valentine’s eve dinner to be particularly boy_airplanephisophical, yet, for some reason, my v-day dinner was just that.  Teddy and I sat in a sea of lovebirds, red balloons, and waiters balancing Italian platters over our heads, yet our minds were stuck on the twisted fate, or chance, of the airline industries recent media-infested roller coaster blitz.  First, there was the hudson river miracle landing.  Barely even an injury, the pilot praised as an all-american hero, and the passengers given another chance at life.  Fixated and fascinated, the media soaked this story up like a sponge, giving viewers a taste of what it’s like for an expected tragedy to end soo well.  Two weeks after this astonishment, people held on to the hero, the miracle, the lives that were saved. 

Then this miracle was harshly overpowered by the tragic news of a small commuter jet crashing into a suburban home in upstate New York.  49 lives lost on the flight, one life lost in the home.  One passenger a widow from the 9/11 attacks.  Everyone prominent people in their community.  Today, the media questions the pilot’s actions…did he have control of the plane? Was the weather to blame?  Could this have all ended differently?    There are no conclusive answers yet. 

What is the hardest for me to grasp, and what brings me back to my first sentence, is, how can something so unusually miraculous proceed something so unusually tragic?  Are we being told anything by these two earily similar dramatic events happening within weeks of one another?  Was this all just purely by chance, or did something bigger and higher have to do with these two events falling into history as they have?  Certainly, there are no right answers, but if anything, the notion of questioning this can be powerful enough.  What are we being told? What are we being shown? 

One thing that can be agreed upon is that often the news surrounds negative events.  So rarely do we have good news!  The war…the recession…disease…tragedy…sadness…oy vey.  So, we held onto our good news for dear life, we held onto our all american pilot who saved 50 lives with their 50 stories to tell!  And boy, did we get a smack in the face when flight 3407 crashed into that small house in Buffalo.  We got a serious reality check that these miracles only happen so often, and that tragedy can happen even more easily. 

The most poignant point made during our shared tasting of a slice of tiramisu: the world is inherently disorderly, with a constant desire to make it orderly.  All we can do is pick up the pieces that fall that are out of our control.  While this is inherently pessimistic, it’s comforting to know that humans are able to adapt so easily, to communicate so well, to question and to challenge and to solve problems.  Some problems are solveable and some problems are just too late to fix, but nothing is predictably good or predictably bad.  All we can strive for is goodness in order, in this chaotic and unpredictable world.

One thing.
January 30, 2009, 3:19 pm
Filed under: Love

It’s Teddy’s 25th birthday today!  He is 1/4 of 100.

That's teddy.

That's teddy.

The year of the Ox
January 28, 2009, 10:25 am
Filed under: travel | Tags: , ,
My new friends come August

My new friends come August

Yikes.  I have not written on here in a LONG time.  I feel like I’m calling back an old friend that’s been trying to contact me for weeks now, and i’ve been ignoring her calls.  What excuse do I have? None, really.  Other than just feeling utterly unmotivated and uninspired to post about anything worth writing or reading about.  So…here I am on my knees, begging for my friend to take me back.  Now, as normal girlfriends do, we “catch up” and “chat” when we haven’t talked in a long time…so…here it goes…

I’m going to China in August!  I had travel inspirations around me, right and left.  My dear friend Catherine is currently in Tanzania climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, filming a documentary of her and a few others journey, in order to create awareness for the safe water project.  My lovely cousin Rachel is living in Syria for the year, studying the language and the culture, and becoming an all around unofficial ambassador for the US/Middle East awareness.  So, with the onset of 2009, and the inspiring people around me, I decided that 2009 should be my year to shine, too (thanks CK).    So, now, I’m going to China.  I’m going for two weeks to Xi’an, to do community work on an orphange with Chinese children.  I’m going by myself, and I’m going to be the most out of my element I have ever been before in my life.  It will be life-changing for me, and hopefully I will have the opportunity to be life-changing for others.  I’m living this New York-centric, egocentric, self-indulgent, fast-paced, EXPENSIVE, corporate-hobo-chic, entertainment-at-my-fingertips, fine-dining, fast-living lifestyle.  And that’s why I want and need to experience the exact opposite, in every sense of the word.  What’s ironic about a trip like this, though, is that I’m going to volunteer.  I’m going to give my time and money to help others, yet something feels so selfish about the whole idea.  Is it just fulfill my self-seeking desire to be a “good” person?  Am I just doing this so I can feel like I’ll be a more well-rounded, respectable, individual?  To some extent, of course.  But even if those are the reasons, I am still going to teach Chinese kids English, to play with and nurture the children without homes, to hopefully bring a smile to their faces, and the ultimate reward, to create a bond with them that will hopefully make their lives a little easier, and a little happier. 

Only time will tell if all of these things come to fruition, but I am beyond excited with what lays ahead.  It definitely helps me get through the daily grind knowing there’s something bigger out there to worry and think about.  And if I could be an inspiration to anyone else, like Catherine and Rachel had been to me, well, then I am one happy camper.   

One last thing – this is the Chinese zodiac year of the Ox, which is my Chinese astrology sign, and I’m going to China this year.  Coincidence?  I think not.

The cheerio hog.
December 17, 2008, 8:49 pm
Filed under: Love | Tags:

Teddy eats all of Mike Jones cheerio’s.  

this means war...

this means war...

Plans: my enemy, or my friend?
December 16, 2008, 4:57 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags:

timeI am having an inner struggle involving how to organize and (de-organize) my life.  Basically, I’m the biggest most neurotic obsessive-compulsive planner.  I eat one meal, and then I think about what I will have for the next one.  I mentally lay out my clothes in my head every night while I’m laying in bed.  I not only pick the restaurant that I’m meeting my friends for dinner at, but I also pick what corner we will meet at, what time, and perhaps have a plan B should things fall through.  I plan when I want to get home on saturday night, and how late I want to sleep.  Plans control my life.  But sometimes, when I realize I’m starting to annoy my friends with figuring out two weeks in advance who’s apartment we’re going to meet up at, I just want to smash my plans to pieces.  I just want to stomp on them and squish them with my work-heels and say “eff you plans! I wont let you control me!”  But, the plans end up winning usually.  Or, the plan to cancel the plans win.  One way or another, everything is mapped out in my head.

I feel like I used to be really spontaneous.  I think the neurosis of living in new york city and having a 50 hour/week job has gotten the best of me.  I must build in enough time for sleep, and enough time for play.  I think most new yorkers can relate that it can be a scary thing when you don’t see a best friend for over a month strictly because your schedules will not allow it.    It’s also equally scary when I feel as though seeing certain friends can be like maintaining “contacts”.  I hope I never let my life get to a point where I confuse business meetings with pleasurable times spent with friends, but I can’t say that those lines don’t get blurry.

The funny thing is, I didn’t plan at all to write about this blog topic at some point this afternoon.  I just spontaneously fit it in between two meetings.