November 5, 2009, 3:48 pm
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Don’t hate me for being an unreliable blogger. It’s a good thing, means I’m busy.  And that I have been….I’ve moved!  And it’s a good thing.  Moving – though not in a really big far away kind of way…I moved 25 blocks south of my old apartment, to the East Village, across from Tompkins Square Park.  Known for it’s riots in the 80’s, hoodlum bumming, and drug scoring – oh times have changed.  All you’ll see now are skinny-jean-wearing dads watching their yogi wives doing stretches in the park before hitting up the farmers market on the southwest end of the Square where live music is being played by indie kids and dogs of all shapes and sizes coating the concrete paths and grassy terrain.   It’s nice to look out my window and see this.  Except for the group of men that meet across the street from my apartment at certain points of certain days then walk off together in certain directions is still a little fishy.  Maybe they play mahjong together.  Maybe go fishing on the East River.


Tompkins butts

So Phillipe and I migrated South.  We packed up and shipped off in a yellow cab, belongings following suit in a large moving truck not far behind.  It ain’t easy moving in New York City, and boy am I glad it’s over.  I think Phillipe is too (that’s my cat).


The Ignorant Bliss and the Intuitive Tango
August 19, 2009, 11:24 am
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Ignorance is bliss.  We’ve all heard this so many times, yet ignorance is not particularly a quality people strive for in order to acheive said bliss.  It’s more grouped with qualities that people don’t want, that people look down upon, or pity.  Yet, it’s reminds me of times in my life when things seemed easy, when the livin’ was good.  Was I just ignorant?  Unaware of what was to come based on the decisions I was making?  Naive to the consequences of my actions?  Sure I was, and I still am “ignorant” to many life lessons and experiences, particularly the ones I have yet to come by in life.   But, on the other end of ignorance is intuition, awareness, consciousness of one’s decisions and the manifestations that this brings.  Englightenment.  Understanding the meaning of what is inside you, how it relates to what is outside you, and what to do about the interactions between the two.  It is a powerful quality to possess, and not necessarilly an easy one to address.  To ignore it, though, would be like ignoring a ticking timebomb; supression can only last for so long before something explodes.  id_ego_superego_by_conskepticalThat said, I can’t help but wonder if life would be better or easier without intuition, with ignorance.  Bliss.  Maybe the consequences of my actions would end up being far more grave, but maybe I would worry far less about the consquences of my actions, and would worry far more about enjoying the moment.  At this point, anyone who’s read this would deduce that one must have a good balance of both, but having the intelligence to be aware of this, thus applying this to real life circumstances, makes it that much harder to choose.  Does one listen to The Intuition, even if it was from a previous experience that may feel convoluted and out-dated now, or does one listen to The Present Moment, the one that could lead to The Mistake, or The Regret.  All in all, the constantly forgotten but ever present reminder is that the future is unpredictable, and no matter what things will fall into place one way or another, painful, happy, or not.  Sometimes I long for simplicity in my outlook on life.  Unfortunately, I’ve been told that my intuition can be my own demise, seemingly leading me to believe that life would be more simple without it.  Whether or not this is true, the balance of what is right and wrong, makes sense and doesn’t, is a dance that is not choreographed.  I just hope to keep up step, and not make too many mistakes along the way…

Reflections in mid-july
July 21, 2009, 12:53 pm
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2903_898044105319_6803293_50580981_2785559_nWell well well….look what we have here.  My lovely little blog.  I’ve abandoned you once again…but the beauty is, you are always here, and you will always take me back.  It’s been a busy month, filled with non-blog writing.  It’s been summery – sleepless, tan-lined, with big hair.  There have been tears of loved losses, and laughter that helped me through it.  I reflect, and I feel happy looking back.   Now, halfway-ish through summer 2009, I couldn’t ask to be in a better place in life, still with a constant hunger to be and achieve more. 

In a conversation with a few friends last night, we discussed how if one believes and does all things necessary to accomplish one’s goals, then one’s efforts will be matched, and goals met.  This seems only applicable to those individuals who’ve actually experienced such luck in their life, but not everyone is fortunate enough to have the resources necessary to be placed in front of their goals in an advantageous way, initially.  Effort is key, but so is timing, looks, smarts, chemistry and shoes.  Okay fine, not shoes.  But for those of us that have reached our goals, we must not get a big head, or get lost in the craziness of life…the great job, the awesome apartment, the bright lights big city.  We must remember that circumstances, external to our own efforts, have helped us get to where we are, and must appreciate this.  Yes, I take credit for accomplishing what I have in life through my blood, sweat and tears, but I wouldn’t have been able to find what I was looking for if it wasn’t for my parents living in New Jersey, giving me access to this amazing city, and providing the emotional and mental support in my professional and personal pursuits and interests.  Some people don’t get that support, which is a 4467_908610290599_6803293_51016467_510056_nhindrance in and of itself, aside from geographical proximity to whatever geographical lifestyle one wants.   Perhaps I am new york city-centric, but I believe that anyone who loves their city would feel the same way.  So what I’m really getting at, I love my city, I love my job, I love my apartment, my friends, these streets, the sounds, even the tourists, the subway, brooklyn, the bums, the music, everything.  I am so grateful to have it all in my life, to be apart of this concrete jungle with my own little story among so many others with each their own little (or big) stories.  I am a big fish in a little sea, a little fish in a big sea.  Bombarding back and forth against other fishies, we are all in it together.  What an awesome sea it is!

So I suppose that is my reflections on life over the past month.  I heard you saying my name, my little blog, and today I finally listened.  And boy does it feel good.  Until next time.

Identity, ohh Identity.
April 29, 2009, 10:02 am
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So I am really excited this morning because I just signed up for my second improv class, and this one has a performance!  It’s funny how performing creates such different reactions for different people.  It makes some people want to crawl into a cardboard box in the corner, and makes others want to be the shining star that they are.  I think I moreso fall under the latter, especially in this kind of performance art.  I love that there is no script, the interaction with others on stage (with no script), and that once it comes out of your mouth, it will be gone forever buried in the grave of improv performance history.  There is no way to recreate it, as it’s all done on a whim.  So I’m very excited, as I’m now committed to 8 more weeks of fun in improv class, and the final performance which is just going to be a hoot!  Let’s hope.

What I will look like with my improv group...

What I will look like with my improv group...

My new job at MTV is also pretty awesome.  It’s amazing how quickly life can change.  For so long I was working in a corporate hedge fund trying to find my identity in something i couldnt fully identify with, now I am a self-proclaimed comic working at mtv in times square.  Of course there are more identifiable things in life than just ones job, but man does it make a difference when you actually feel drawn and proud of the industry, interests, and goals of the job you spend 10 hours a day at.  Not to say I wasn’t happy in my previous job, I was very much so connected to the people and experience I gained there, but it just feels so good to be in a better fit for myself. 

So, I guess I’m feeling pretty good about things today.  The thing with these posts are they are driven by my mood, and I often tend to write when I am particularly emotional whether in a positive or negative sense.  Today, thankfully, is positive.  And with that, I should probably get back to work…

April 22, 2009, 8:40 pm
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I just went from this


to this


really quickly.  Life works in funny ways…

What’s on paper
April 11, 2009, 5:17 pm
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I have no excuses for my neglect, I’ll just start with that.  I lot has happened since my last post, over a month ago?  Well…now I am single, jobless, and with cat.  2009 has been an interesting year so far….I guess it is my time to knock everything down and build it back up again.  Thus, I am one big transition.  I am sitting in the present moment yet only to achieve the next.  I am wading in a wave pool.  I am floating on a lilly pad.  It’s okay though, I feel really quite fundamentally happy.  I’ve been stripped of things that I once used to describe myself and my identity, a job to associate with, and it feels good that all I have to identify with these days is, well myself.  and Philipe, my 9 month old cat.  He is napping on the couch right now.  So here I am, among millions of other unemployed Americans, and while I’m a number among all of them, I love having this personal journey, and figuring out what is next.  I’m excited by it.  There are inevitably good things to come, and I can’t wait to discover more about myself once they enter my life.  I truly believe that the times we struggle in life are the times we get to know ourselves best, and I have never felt so whole and secure in my pursuit of happiness and my current outlooks on life, although on paper it may not seem that way.  So yea, I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflecting, perhaps I should have been writing about it, but that would mean I would be vulnerable to whomever read’s this perception of me, which is a scary thing.  More has happened too, I went to Chicago, I have been eating matzah ball soup, and I am starting an improv class on Monday.  I’m happy, and I’m not just saying it to convince myself or anyone else, I am truly, identifiably, genuinely happy.  Stripped of things that had potential to make me unhappy.  And I can’t wait to see what else life brings me and challenges me with…bring it on.

Me and Philipe

Me and Philipe

Plans: my enemy, or my friend?
December 16, 2008, 4:57 pm
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timeI am having an inner struggle involving how to organize and (de-organize) my life.  Basically, I’m the biggest most neurotic obsessive-compulsive planner.  I eat one meal, and then I think about what I will have for the next one.  I mentally lay out my clothes in my head every night while I’m laying in bed.  I not only pick the restaurant that I’m meeting my friends for dinner at, but I also pick what corner we will meet at, what time, and perhaps have a plan B should things fall through.  I plan when I want to get home on saturday night, and how late I want to sleep.  Plans control my life.  But sometimes, when I realize I’m starting to annoy my friends with figuring out two weeks in advance who’s apartment we’re going to meet up at, I just want to smash my plans to pieces.  I just want to stomp on them and squish them with my work-heels and say “eff you plans! I wont let you control me!”  But, the plans end up winning usually.  Or, the plan to cancel the plans win.  One way or another, everything is mapped out in my head.

I feel like I used to be really spontaneous.  I think the neurosis of living in new york city and having a 50 hour/week job has gotten the best of me.  I must build in enough time for sleep, and enough time for play.  I think most new yorkers can relate that it can be a scary thing when you don’t see a best friend for over a month strictly because your schedules will not allow it.    It’s also equally scary when I feel as though seeing certain friends can be like maintaining “contacts”.  I hope I never let my life get to a point where I confuse business meetings with pleasurable times spent with friends, but I can’t say that those lines don’t get blurry.

The funny thing is, I didn’t plan at all to write about this blog topic at some point this afternoon.  I just spontaneously fit it in between two meetings.