Filed under: Uncategorized
Don’t hate me for being an unreliable blogger. It’s a good thing, means I’m busy. And that I have been….I’ve moved! And it’s a good thing. Moving – though not in a really big far away kind of way…I moved 25 blocks south of my old apartment, to the East Village, across from Tompkins Square Park. Known for it’s riots in the 80’s, hoodlum bumming, and drug scoring – oh times have changed. All you’ll see now are skinny-jean-wearing dads watching their yogi wives doing stretches in the park before hitting up the farmers market on the southwest end of the Square where live music is being played by indie kids and dogs of all shapes and sizes coating the concrete paths and grassy terrain. It’s nice to look out my window and see this. Except for the group of men that meet across the street from my apartment at certain points of certain days then walk off together in certain directions is still a little fishy. Maybe they play mahjong together. Maybe go fishing on the East River.
So Phillipe and I migrated South. We packed up and shipped off in a yellow cab, belongings following suit in a large moving truck not far behind. It ain’t easy moving in New York City, and boy am I glad it’s over. I think Phillipe is too (that’s my cat).
Filed under: Uncategorized
Ignorance is bliss. We’ve all heard this so many times, yet ignorance is not particularly a quality people strive for in order to acheive said bliss. It’s more grouped with qualities that people don’t want, that people look down upon, or pity. Yet, it’s reminds me of times in my life when things seemed easy, when the livin’ was good. Was I just ignorant? Unaware of what was to come based on the decisions I was making? Naive to the consequences of my actions? Sure I was, and I still am “ignorant” to many life lessons and experiences, particularly the ones I have yet to come by in life. But, on the other end of ignorance is intuition, awareness, consciousness of one’s decisions and the manifestations that this brings. Englightenment. Understanding the meaning of what is inside you, how it relates to what is outside you, and what to do about the interactions between the two. It is a powerful quality to possess, and not necessarilly an easy one to address. To ignore it, though, would be like ignoring a ticking timebomb; supression can only last for so long before something explodes. That said, I can’t help but wonder if life would be better or easier without intuition, with ignorance. Bliss. Maybe the consequences of my actions would end up being far more grave, but maybe I would worry far less about the consquences of my actions, and would worry far more about enjoying the moment. At this point, anyone who’s read this would deduce that one must have a good balance of both, but having the intelligence to be aware of this, thus applying this to real life circumstances, makes it that much harder to choose. Does one listen to The Intuition, even if it was from a previous experience that may feel convoluted and out-dated now, or does one listen to The Present Moment, the one that could lead to The Mistake, or The Regret. All in all, the constantly forgotten but ever present reminder is that the future is unpredictable, and no matter what things will fall into place one way or another, painful, happy, or not. Sometimes I long for simplicity in my outlook on life. Unfortunately, I’ve been told that my intuition can be my own demise, seemingly leading me to believe that life would be more simple without it. Whether or not this is true, the balance of what is right and wrong, makes sense and doesn’t, is a dance that is not choreographed. I just hope to keep up step, and not make too many mistakes along the way…
Filed under: Uncategorized
Well well well….look what we have here. My lovely little blog. I’ve abandoned you once again…but the beauty is, you are always here, and you will always take me back. It’s been a busy month, filled with non-blog writing. It’s been summery – sleepless, tan-lined, with big hair. There have been tears of loved losses, and laughter that helped me through it. I reflect, and I feel happy looking back. Now, halfway-ish through summer 2009, I couldn’t ask to be in a better place in life, still with a constant hunger to be and achieve more.
In a conversation with a few friends last night, we discussed how if one believes and does all things necessary to accomplish one’s goals, then one’s efforts will be matched, and goals met. This seems only applicable to those individuals who’ve actually experienced such luck in their life, but not everyone is fortunate enough to have the resources necessary to be placed in front of their goals in an advantageous way, initially. Effort is key, but so is timing, looks, smarts, chemistry and shoes. Okay fine, not shoes. But for those of us that have reached our goals, we must not get a big head, or get lost in the craziness of life…the great job, the awesome apartment, the bright lights big city. We must remember that circumstances, external to our own efforts, have helped us get to where we are, and must appreciate this. Yes, I take credit for accomplishing what I have in life through my blood, sweat and tears, but I wouldn’t have been able to find what I was looking for if it wasn’t for my parents living in New Jersey, giving me access to this amazing city, and providing the emotional and mental support in my professional and personal pursuits and interests. Some people don’t get that support, which is a hindrance in and of itself, aside from geographical proximity to whatever geographical lifestyle one wants. Perhaps I am new york city-centric, but I believe that anyone who loves their city would feel the same way. So what I’m really getting at, I love my city, I love my job, I love my apartment, my friends, these streets, the sounds, even the tourists, the subway, brooklyn, the bums, the music, everything. I am so grateful to have it all in my life, to be apart of this concrete jungle with my own little story among so many others with each their own little (or big) stories. I am a big fish in a little sea, a little fish in a big sea. Bombarding back and forth against other fishies, we are all in it together. What an awesome sea it is!
So I suppose that is my reflections on life over the past month. I heard you saying my name, my little blog, and today I finally listened. And boy does it feel good. Until next time.
Yesterday I took an adventure with the goal of purchasing curry paste in mind. I was introduced to this ingredient through a friend, and have been on a mission to purchase it and cook with it ever since. Not the most obscure ingredient ever, but still obscure enough to need to venture beyond the corner grocery shop. Chinatown as my destination, with the narrow hilly streets and Chinese signs as my guide, I ended up at Bangkok Center Grocery. A little Chinese man with a few teeth missing yet the kindest smile offered me help as I stepped into the shop, recommending which curry pastes need coconut milk, which are spiciest, and which work best with bamboo shoots. A few minutes later, I was purchasing 6 different kinds of curry paste, 3 cans of coconut milk, and some lychee juice for the road.
Chugging my juice through the short crowded streets, I made my way through Chinatown and up to Little Italy. People were eating heeping plates spaghetti and meatballs and cheesy, melty lasagna outdoors on an 80 degree clammy day. Nothing could be less appropriate for the climate.
I finally hopped the subway to Union Sq to go to Trader Joe’s for my final curry dish ingredients. Italian food would not be part of the equation, purely an interlude.
The final recipe is
2 peppers – one green, one red
1 container of tofu
Broccoli OR Butternut Squash (depending on what Trader Joe’s has or doesn’t have)
1 can of red curry paste
1/3 can of Coconut milk
Incorporate all the ingredients in a deep pan, covered, and check back occassionally for your perfect cooking preference….I’d say 8 minutes. This will serve 1-3 people, depending on how much leftovers you want. Spicy and satisfying, healthy and hearty. Fun for all.
Well that is all for my international journey/obscure errand of the day. I think I will start to find more obscure errands to run. They tend to be more fulfilling than the ol’ run to the dry-cleaners. Less dirty laundry involved. What should I do next?
Filed under: Art
This weekend I will do something I’ve never done before. Many women have, but for the first time I will explore the side of my aesthetic self that some women are addicted to and others fear. More than that, I will let myself explore being watched, being captured on film, being directer by a photographer. I will do it stripped of an ego but empowered by confidence. I will be vulnerable and exposed. The purpose of this photoshoot is to explore women and their relationship to their shoes. Stripped of distractions, the image will present a relationship between sensuality, practicality and individuality. It doesn’t have to be so distinctly sexy. Hopefully the appeal will come through in more subliminal ways. I’m really excited to explore not only this said concept, but to also be the person representing this with hopeful success. I’ve never been a model. I’ve never known how to look entirely effortless in front of a camera. The challenge of looking graceful and classy while committing to the concept excites me. That I can be a mysterious seductress minus any connotation of vulgarality or permiscuity. That I can illustrate through one image the power a woman has. I can only hope I’ll fully represent the ideals of the few words I’ve shared here. Effortless execution in art is not always as easy, but all I can do is try – be confident, be classy, be sultry, be representative of the power of the relationship between woman and shoe.
Filed under: Uncategorized
So I am really excited this morning because I just signed up for my second improv class, and this one has a performance! It’s funny how performing creates such different reactions for different people. It makes some people want to crawl into a cardboard box in the corner, and makes others want to be the shining star that they are. I think I moreso fall under the latter, especially in this kind of performance art. I love that there is no script, the interaction with others on stage (with no script), and that once it comes out of your mouth, it will be gone forever buried in the grave of improv performance history. There is no way to recreate it, as it’s all done on a whim. So I’m very excited, as I’m now committed to 8 more weeks of fun in improv class, and the final performance which is just going to be a hoot! Let’s hope.
My new job at MTV is also pretty awesome. It’s amazing how quickly life can change. For so long I was working in a corporate hedge fund trying to find my identity in something i couldnt fully identify with, now I am a self-proclaimed comic working at mtv in times square. Of course there are more identifiable things in life than just ones job, but man does it make a difference when you actually feel drawn and proud of the industry, interests, and goals of the job you spend 10 hours a day at. Not to say I wasn’t happy in my previous job, I was very much so connected to the people and experience I gained there, but it just feels so good to be in a better fit for myself.
So, I guess I’m feeling pretty good about things today. The thing with these posts are they are driven by my mood, and I often tend to write when I am particularly emotional whether in a positive or negative sense. Today, thankfully, is positive. And with that, I should probably get back to work…
Filed under: Uncategorized
I just went from this
really quickly. Life works in funny ways…
Filed under: Uncategorized
I have no excuses for my neglect, I’ll just start with that. I lot has happened since my last post, over a month ago? Well…now I am single, jobless, and with cat. 2009 has been an interesting year so far….I guess it is my time to knock everything down and build it back up again. Thus, I am one big transition. I am sitting in the present moment yet only to achieve the next. I am wading in a wave pool. I am floating on a lilly pad. It’s okay though, I feel really quite fundamentally happy. I’ve been stripped of things that I once used to describe myself and my identity, a job to associate with, and it feels good that all I have to identify with these days is, well myself. and Philipe, my 9 month old cat. He is napping on the couch right now. So here I am, among millions of other unemployed Americans, and while I’m a number among all of them, I love having this personal journey, and figuring out what is next. I’m excited by it. There are inevitably good things to come, and I can’t wait to discover more about myself once they enter my life. I truly believe that the times we struggle in life are the times we get to know ourselves best, and I have never felt so whole and secure in my pursuit of happiness and my current outlooks on life, although on paper it may not seem that way. So yea, I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflecting, perhaps I should have been writing about it, but that would mean I would be vulnerable to whomever read’s this perception of me, which is a scary thing. More has happened too, I went to Chicago, I have been eating matzah ball soup, and I am starting an improv class on Monday. I’m happy, and I’m not just saying it to convince myself or anyone else, I am truly, identifiably, genuinely happy. Stripped of things that had potential to make me unhappy. And I can’t wait to see what else life brings me and challenges me with…bring it on.
Filed under: Art
I am in the midst of creating a painting of a butterfly. Sweet, feminine, yet mysterious and soft. Butterflies are one of those special things in life that always seem to lead up to a good day…a happy day. a bright and sunny saturday. I hope my rendition can perhaps take on a life of its own, a “blossoming” endeavor to say the least?
Just a quick visual of the products needed, it’s always important to appreciate where things come from.
I think I like it so far. needs more time.
Filed under: Love, Politics, travel | Tags: airplane, miracle, tragedy, valentine
No one would expect a valentine’s eve dinner to be particularly phisophical, yet, for some reason, my v-day dinner was just that. Teddy and I sat in a sea of lovebirds, red balloons, and waiters balancing Italian platters over our heads, yet our minds were stuck on the twisted fate, or chance, of the airline industries recent media-infested roller coaster blitz. First, there was the hudson river miracle landing. Barely even an injury, the pilot praised as an all-american hero, and the passengers given another chance at life. Fixated and fascinated, the media soaked this story up like a sponge, giving viewers a taste of what it’s like for an expected tragedy to end soo well. Two weeks after this astonishment, people held on to the hero, the miracle, the lives that were saved.
Then this miracle was harshly overpowered by the tragic news of a small commuter jet crashing into a suburban home in upstate New York. 49 lives lost on the flight, one life lost in the home. One passenger a widow from the 9/11 attacks. Everyone prominent people in their community. Today, the media questions the pilot’s actions…did he have control of the plane? Was the weather to blame? Could this have all ended differently? There are no conclusive answers yet.
What is the hardest for me to grasp, and what brings me back to my first sentence, is, how can something so unusually miraculous proceed something so unusually tragic? Are we being told anything by these two earily similar dramatic events happening within weeks of one another? Was this all just purely by chance, or did something bigger and higher have to do with these two events falling into history as they have? Certainly, there are no right answers, but if anything, the notion of questioning this can be powerful enough. What are we being told? What are we being shown?
One thing that can be agreed upon is that often the news surrounds negative events. So rarely do we have good news! The war…the recession…disease…tragedy…sadness…oy vey. So, we held onto our good news for dear life, we held onto our all american pilot who saved 50 lives with their 50 stories to tell! And boy, did we get a smack in the face when flight 3407 crashed into that small house in Buffalo. We got a serious reality check that these miracles only happen so often, and that tragedy can happen even more easily.
The most poignant point made during our shared tasting of a slice of tiramisu: the world is inherently disorderly, with a constant desire to make it orderly. All we can do is pick up the pieces that fall that are out of our control. While this is inherently pessimistic, it’s comforting to know that humans are able to adapt so easily, to communicate so well, to question and to challenge and to solve problems. Some problems are solveable and some problems are just too late to fix, but nothing is predictably good or predictably bad. All we can strive for is goodness in order, in this chaotic and unpredictable world.
Filed under: Love
It’s Teddy’s 25th birthday today! He is 1/4 of 100.
Yikes. I have not written on here in a LONG time. I feel like I’m calling back an old friend that’s been trying to contact me for weeks now, and i’ve been ignoring her calls. What excuse do I have? None, really. Other than just feeling utterly unmotivated and uninspired to post about anything worth writing or reading about. So…here I am on my knees, begging for my friend to take me back. Now, as normal girlfriends do, we “catch up” and “chat” when we haven’t talked in a long time…so…here it goes…
I’m going to China in August! I had travel inspirations around me, right and left. My dear friend Catherine is currently in Tanzania climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, filming a documentary of her and a few others journey, in order to create awareness for the safe water project. My lovely cousin Rachel is living in Syria for the year, studying the language and the culture, and becoming an all around unofficial ambassador for the US/Middle East awareness. So, with the onset of 2009, and the inspiring people around me, I decided that 2009 should be my year to shine, too (thanks CK). So, now, I’m going to China. I’m going for two weeks to Xi’an, to do community work on an orphange with Chinese children. I’m going by myself, and I’m going to be the most out of my element I have ever been before in my life. It will be life-changing for me, and hopefully I will have the opportunity to be life-changing for others. I’m living this New York-centric, egocentric, self-indulgent, fast-paced, EXPENSIVE, corporate-hobo-chic, entertainment-at-my-fingertips, fine-dining, fast-living lifestyle. And that’s why I want and need to experience the exact opposite, in every sense of the word. What’s ironic about a trip like this, though, is that I’m going to volunteer. I’m going to give my time and money to help others, yet something feels so selfish about the whole idea. Is it just fulfill my self-seeking desire to be a “good” person? Am I just doing this so I can feel like I’ll be a more well-rounded, respectable, individual? To some extent, of course. But even if those are the reasons, I am still going to teach Chinese kids English, to play with and nurture the children without homes, to hopefully bring a smile to their faces, and the ultimate reward, to create a bond with them that will hopefully make their lives a little easier, and a little happier.
Only time will tell if all of these things come to fruition, but I am beyond excited with what lays ahead. It definitely helps me get through the daily grind knowing there’s something bigger out there to worry and think about. And if I could be an inspiration to anyone else, like Catherine and Rachel had been to me, well, then I am one happy camper.
One last thing – this is the Chinese zodiac year of the Ox, which is my Chinese astrology sign, and I’m going to China this year. Coincidence? I think not.
Teddy eats all of Mike Jones cheerio’s.
I am having an inner struggle involving how to organize and (de-organize) my life. Basically, I’m the biggest most neurotic obsessive-compulsive planner. I eat one meal, and then I think about what I will have for the next one. I mentally lay out my clothes in my head every night while I’m laying in bed. I not only pick the restaurant that I’m meeting my friends for dinner at, but I also pick what corner we will meet at, what time, and perhaps have a plan B should things fall through. I plan when I want to get home on saturday night, and how late I want to sleep. Plans control my life. But sometimes, when I realize I’m starting to annoy my friends with figuring out two weeks in advance who’s apartment we’re going to meet up at, I just want to smash my plans to pieces. I just want to stomp on them and squish them with my work-heels and say “eff you plans! I wont let you control me!” But, the plans end up winning usually. Or, the plan to cancel the plans win. One way or another, everything is mapped out in my head.
I feel like I used to be really spontaneous. I think the neurosis of living in new york city and having a 50 hour/week job has gotten the best of me. I must build in enough time for sleep, and enough time for play. I think most new yorkers can relate that it can be a scary thing when you don’t see a best friend for over a month strictly because your schedules will not allow it. It’s also equally scary when I feel as though seeing certain friends can be like maintaining “contacts”. I hope I never let my life get to a point where I confuse business meetings with pleasurable times spent with friends, but I can’t say that those lines don’t get blurry.
The funny thing is, I didn’t plan at all to write about this blog topic at some point this afternoon. I just spontaneously fit it in between two meetings.
It’s been a long time since I’ve visited this site, let alone write on it. I feel as though I’ve let a growing and morphing being out in the cold with little room to grow and be nurtured. Okay it’s only a blog, but still. At least it’s safe to say I’ve found other ways of preoccupying myself through creative means – painting. Yes, I’ve abandoned you for the time being, for oil paints, my easel, and an image of the Andes Mountains. And damn…it felt good.
I think in both respects, life can by so cyclic, that sometimes the predictable feeling of knowing what’s behind you and in front of you can make you feel like you’re wading in a swimming pool of clocks, thinking about the next event while finishing the current one. Definitely a mixture of the two. I suppose it breeds productivity which is always a good thing, yet also breeds a feeling of unfulfillment, when you’re constantly waiting for the next hurrah. Either way, here we are today, doing our tuesday morning routine. Thinking about lunch (lentil soup today), and planning events for the weekend (seeing friends, sleeping, painting, yoga). I guess in that sense life ain’t so bad. Ultimately, I need to not think so much and focus on the pleasures of the present. For the present only lasts at this moment, and that’s really all we can hold onto anyway.
that I’m afraid to be too personal. There’s a mystique about being thought provoking and relatable, yet still remaining a mystery…do you agree? But isn’t that what a blog is for? getting personal and letting your ‘readers’ get to know you and your thoughts? Perhaps you’re learning more about me in this own little reflective piece right here, without even me telling anything about myself? Deep, huh. Anyway, happy thanksgiving to all, I hope everyone has a most fantastic splendiferous lovely feastful enjoyable thanksgiving, as I’m about to have.
So now, I am thankful to those who have been reading and enjoying my own little very personal yet not too personal blog!
While there are many things I’d like to write about right now, I feel quite fixated on how real and epic the climate of our country is lately. So very much, that I feel like in my lifetime, the weight of our outside world and need to survive has never felt so…heavy. Sure, I’m only 23, so life’s weights have been lifted by other’s for the majority of my life (thank you mom and dad), but this is a tough “real world” to enter, even after a year or so within it.
While times are tough, there is something quite romantic about it, and I find peace in that, in feeling so alive, in feeling the personal and collective struggle of gettin’ by and survivin’. In fact, there’s no better time in the world than now to appreciate the good things we are fortunate enough to have. Family that would help you in a time of need, your health, your friends – we are all in it together, we all feel it together, and I think there is something to really embrace as a society about that. What hurts you only makes you stronger.
Filed under: Uncategorized
I went to Hershey, Pennsylvania with my boyfriend this weekend, and it was awesome. Some pictures for you to sample the fun:
Filed under: Politics
Remember when the one and only topic of mass media consumption was The Dark Knight? When the only concern was how long you’d be willing to wait in line to see the best movie of all time? When you’d see it four times to just make sure you caught every amazing moment, over and over again? Not only was it the utmost of obsessive behavior on a personal level, but it reached a national and international level as well. For one month, curious audiences were held captive by the mystique of this film on screen, and the mystique of this film’s terrible luck off screen. For one month, you could go up to anyone in the country and the question would be “have you seen it yet?” (And if you hadn’t at the time, you oughta soon). For one month, Americans were obsessed. And then, another month came along…people had seen the movie…people had heard the behind-the-scene stories….and BAM! A new focus! The 2008 election! We have found a new national trend! A new topic of discussion! A new national obsession! But this time, a race to the finish line of who will be the next president. Everywhere you went signs line the streets…strangers arguing over who is easier on their taxes…people dressed as presidential candidates on Halloween. Our country, saturated by this new fascinating commonality, just as much as they were once fascinated by the mystique of The Dark Knight. So, there seems to be a trend here. Americans, nation-wide, seem to be interested in the same things for roughly the same amounts of time. Americans like to have one over-riding topic that the homeless guy in Harlem and the Financier in Mid-town can have an opinion on. Americans appreciate the bond that is created by this phenomena, and Americans, subconsciously, will continue this pattern in order to get through the hussle and bussle of our everyday lives. But, after about a month or so, we get bored. I mean, I’ve been over The Dark Knight for quite some time now, and I’m just about over the whole electrion drama…so what’s next? What will we all talk about next? The economy? depressing. The weather? drab. I don’t know, soon enough well all know, because it will be the talk of the town….
Filed under: Uncategorized
My favorite is “I’m hung like Einstein and smart as a horse.” Although, “take revenge, shit on a pigeon” has a nice ring. Enjoy!
Filed under: Love
Last night I was watching CNN, which I’m unhealthily addicted to, and one of those inspiritational yet depressing commercials to donate money to African children with no families came on. It featured a young boy who had just lost his mother and father, having to raise his 5 younger brothers on his own. It made my cry. One tear came down my cheek at the thought of this boy’s life – not feeding himself so he could provide the scarce nutrition needed for his young siblings. I think we can all look up to a person like this. But, the focus of this posting is not to dwell on the sadness, nor to sympathize with this boy’s challenges (although most of us do inherently) – rather, the focus of this post is to recognize the pricelessness of certain gifts we recieve in just being alive, no matter how much money you make or food you have. Love trumps it all, and there is no better feeling in the world. In the Indian peaks of Mount Abu where 22,000 people live, in the Bible Belt of Batesville Arkansas, in Beijing where the streets are flooded with 17 million people, in the slum cities of Mumbai, in the cramped studio apartments of New York city, and in the poor villages of Ugu, South Africa, couples in love lay together and sleep at night. Mothers and fathers care for their mothers and father. Children feed their siblings before themselves. Deep, strong, unequivocal, unconditional needs for giving and receiving love are everywhere, no matter what race, creed, class, gender, specie.
Well, that is the message I took from this commercial I watched on CNN last night. My one tear was a definite tear of sorrow and sympathy for these poor children, but, at least I can have comfort that there is love in this world, and if we could all be so lucky to experience it in our own lives, then that is worth living for in itself.
Filed under: Politics
I woke up feeling extra cranky this morning. I realize I’m not alone, though. Many Americans today are feeling this feeling. A feeling of emptiness, of impatience, of “what if?”. What is the source? Well, I think it can best be coined “postpartum-campaign depression 2008”. For months and months we observed the Obama vs. McCain media frenzy. For months and months, we tuned in nightly to CNN to see which news correspondent could yell the loudest about their passionate political beliefs. For months and months, we discussed, disputed, and even despised, the growth and possibility of our future. And then, all in one moment, one instant, our four-year fate has been determined. Barack Obama – our baby is born! And now, here we are today…two days after the president elect has been decided, and what do i feel? Sadness. Who will yell loudest on CNN? What will I talk about with my friends? Will Sarah Palin just fade into the darkness of Alaska? Now is not the time to think “what if?” Now is the time to let go. Let Obama lead the way. Let Obama grow into the president we all hope he can be. But for now, I will sit in a dark room, and look down at my empty womb, and try to believe, that we made the right decision.
Filed under: Uncategorized
I decided two minutes ago that I would start a blog today, a blog today, a blog – today! So if you are reading this, welcome to my very first post. Allisonwriting’s is a place where I will discuss my deepest darkest secrets, what I had for lunch, and I’ll probably talk about you, too. I hope you find it entertaining, and I hope I actually keep up with this. Seems like the appropriate thing to do in this generation – I feel so hip.